Last weekend one of my best friend’s got married and it was beautiful. It was funny and, sweet, and just so her.
My partner didn’t come, which was noticed by everyone. I literally walked into the Church and straight away the groom asked me where he was. I told him it was complicated and not a wedding day story. I then proceeded to tell everyone this throughout the day.
It was only on reflection, that I realised it wasn’t actually that complicated. My partner wasn’t there because he didn’t want to be. And that is pretty awful of him, but that’s his choice. I’ve had a few people try and give me their view on it. My best friend told me what an arse he is and so on. Another friend made the point that maybe Dale didn’t want to go because, he didn’t want to put pressure on me – we’ve been engaged for a while but not really getting anywhere.
I think their both right. It was a crappy thing to not go and he is an arse for it, but my other friend does have a point.
Now looking at that, what’s complicated about it? Nothing really.
Which got me to thinking. Nowadays, we tell everyone things are complicated. Even when their not. I do it because I don’t want to talk about it. Like in the above situation – plus I didn’t want to ruin the day.
But I do it at other times as well. I don’t like my job. And tell people it’s complicated, but it’s not. It’s actually quite simple. I don’t like what I do, but I can’t afford to quit and be unemployed for six weeks until my new job starts. See? Pretty simple. Pretty crappy too, but you get the jist.
And we all do it, all the time. We do it because we don’t want to talk to people. Or because we think it’s actually really complicated and we can’t get our heads around it. You know what I say to that? Take a step back and look at things from an outsider’s point of view. It’ll make all the difference.
I’ve not been very well recently and I’ve been letting things get to me, more so than normal. I’ve basically been questioning my entire life. I know I haven’t felt so low. Ever. And, to be honest, it’s not going to get better over night.
I’m hoping that once I start my new job, I might start to feel a bit better. But I’m also worried that I’ll start my new job and find out that the way I’m feeling goes deeper than that, you know?
But I have to try. We all do.
At least my friends can try and make me happy though.