Dear Mum

On Saturday night, you rang me drunk and told me you never wanted to see me again. That I was not welcome in your house and that you would hit me, if you saw me in the house.

This is not the first time you’ve phoned me when you’re drunk to have a go at me. And I know it won’t be the last.

For as long as I can remember you’ve always drank. True, you only do it at night and most of the time, it doesn’t affect your day to day life. You go to work, come home and clean the house, prepare meals, you raised two kids. But every night, you drink.

You can’t handle your drink either. I use to tiptoe around you at night, scared of what mood the alcohol would put you in that night. I will admit you have gotten a lot better with this. It still happens every Christmas, but admittedly Christmas is an emotional time.

I’ve tried to help you for as long as I can remember. I give you money, I buy you things, I moved home after University when all I wanted to do was stay in Chester.

Even now when I live in my own house with Jordan, I keep trying to please you. I pay for your car every month. I give you money knowing I will not see it again. Do you know how many arguments you cause? I’ve had so many people tell me to stop it, but I won’t. I can’t. You’re my mum.

You hold a grudge for a very long time and I wish you could realise that it’s not worth it and use that energy for something good instead.

I know things won’t change. I’ve accepted that but it doesn’t make it any easier. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you. Like you’re Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

I’ve accepted that we are never going to have the perfect mother daughter relationship. We will never be Lorelai and Rory. I will never confide in you the way a daughter should be able to confide in their mum. I’m scared that I will turn into you and it does put me off having kids. I don’t want them to feel the way I did growing up.

Despite everything you say and do to me, all I want to do is please you. Which is why it hurts so much when you criticise me and nit pick and make me feel like I’m still a child.

I’m not a child and I know what I’m doing.

 

We’re okay again now. Until the next time.

Billy and Me by Giovanna Fletcher

First of all, congratulations on the birth of Buzz!!

Having been a fan of McFly for years, it goes without saying that you like their partners too. So when I heard Giovanna Fletcher had written a book I knew I would read it at some point. What I didn’t know was that I would genuinely love it. It takes a great writer to get me to enjoy chick literature, which to me, was essentially what the book is.

Here’s a brief overview. Sophie suffered a great loss when she was younger and she and her mother struggled to recover. She takes a job at a local coffee shop (it’s so much more than that though) and the owner, Molly, helps to bring her out of her shell. This is where she meets Billy. Long story short, they fall in love, hit a through bumps along the way, but true love always finds a way.

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Now normally this type of book wouldn’t do much for me. I’ve read similar ones in the past and I’ve always been able to guess the ending. For example, my friend told me I had to read One Day by David Nicholls and that I would cry my eyes out. Well I didn’t. I knew halfway through what to expect.

Furthermore, I don’t normally read first person narratives. I tend to stick to the third person style. I think it’s because that way it’s easier to sort of separate yourself from the character and it stops you from really empathising with them. But in this case, I really enjoyed the fact that it was first person and, I think it wouldn’t have worked any other way.

I thought I knew that with Billy and Me. I was wrong. I don’t want to spoil it but it has been out nearly a year so you should have read it by now! Now for Sophie and Billy, the end was always going to be those two. What surprised me was Molly. What she goes through made me ball my eyes out. I could relate to it so well. I’ve been in Sophie’s position and, I have to say, for me, this is the first time an author has captured that emotion. Giovanna knew how to explain those feelings whilst keeping it simple.

For me this book started out as just another read. In the end though, it became so much more. It’s made me want to go and seek out more books like this. Normally I stick to history books or male authors. From now on, I’m probably going to favour the women. Well for a while at least anyway.

So thank you Giovanna for getting me into chick literature again and I CAN NOT wait to read your next novel in May.

xxx

It’s been a while…

So I know haven’t really posted much this week. I’ve been out of sorts really. It’s been one of those weeks where there has been good things and bad things and, it gets confusing.

The good is that I’m suddenly getting dozens of job interviews finally! And they all look promising 😀

My McBusted tickets have arrived 😀 and I got a retweet of James Bourne, which was pretty cool! Though it did leave me with a lot of questions. For example, doesn’t it feel weird to think that someone with so many followers who is so well known and so on, saw your tweet or whatever first and then responded to it? It takes a lot to comprehend – Or I’m just over thinking it.

Also James Bourne is currently hiding away with the McFly boys and Matt Willis, so is it possible they saw it as well? Or that James mentioned it? I am definitely over thinking this!

I finally got my money back from Pizza Hut as well! Took far too long and probably won’t be going there again, but ah well.

Now for the bad. Though if I’m honest, it’s more annoying than bad. You know when you have one of those days where everyone is just getting on your nerves? That’s basically been my week.

First of all, my Mum has changed her job at work which now means she’ll be working early mornings and be home by two pm every day. Now this is great for her; not for me though. Her reasoning for doing it is so she can have a life. However, I know my Mum and she is not going to start socialising or taking up new hobbies or whatever. This means that she is just going to be at home, bored, nagging me and having ago at me and, basically getting on my nerves. You know what I mean? It’s like you get used to things being a certain way and then they change and, it’s not for the better. I appreciate that she hated her old hours but she is just going to be bored all the time now and, I know this is selfish, but I don’t want to be the one to deal with that.

I have fallen out with O2. I won’t go into details, but I’m not happy with them and my contract will not be getting renewed.

I seem to be a magnet for bad customer service at the moment. Aldi have just opened a new store in our town. So my Mum and I went down. Obviously it was busy. A manager told us to start unloading on to till 4 and that someone would be right out to serve us. So we did. And then we waited. For ten minutes. Not impressed, at all. And to top it off, when the person came out, she stood for five minutes talking to the other checkout staff about which till she should be on. Pretty rude really. I appreciate new stores have problems, but come on! You just don’t do that.

My final bad thing, which isn’t about me, but it needs more recognition. Sea World. If you haven’t seen Blackfish yet, why not? It will change your opinion and the way you view Sea World. I have written a post about it in the past. There is A LOT of things on the internet about it. Come on, make a difference. Save those creatures.

 

Well that’s from me really. I really be better next week, I promise!

 

Have fun!

 

xxx